May I first express my sadness that you, Madam Deputy Speaker, are also standing down from the coterie of Essex MPs? I thank you for your part in recognising the talents of a young James Duddridge in Melton Mowbray, and rubber-stamping, over a glass of white wine, my aim to serve as a Member of Parliament.

Comrades, time flies in this place. I remember, in 2004, having round my kitchen table Ian Robertson, my chairman, who is a great sage; the late Tony Smithson, who was my first agent; and Tony Cox, who is now leader of the council. I said, “I’m really ready for the general election.” We named it five-five-five, because we predicted, a year in advance, the date of the election—at that time, it was not that difficult to predict. They said, “A year will go quickly,” but 20 years has now passed, which is amazing.

I want to thank the people who selected me and elected me. I must have been doing something right, because at each election, more people have voted for me than at the previous election. I jotted down a few bits of advice, but when I re-read them after hearing former Prime Minister talking about democracy and a former Secretary of State talking about defence and defence spending, they seemed a little low-level. This is my advice anyway. Let someone else manage your bloody email. It is absolutely dreadful and drives me mad. Eat less, and perhaps more importantly, drink less. Join the armed forces parliamentary scheme, which is absolutely amazing and superb for finding out about colleagues and the services. Value family over politics, and do not covet others’ success; help them achieve that success.

My team have been fantastic. Pindie Fanibe runs my office. I call her the boss; every now and again, I am allowed to make a decision. Marcus Llewelyn-Bowen—sorry, Llewellyn-Rothschild; that was a Freudian slip. He is very flamboyant, my Marcus. He is registered blind and he goes into hospital every other day for dialysis, but he still carries on as my caseworker. He is absolutely amazing. Before me, he served another Member of Parliament. I thank James Moyies, who is an exceptional individual. He stood against me twice as the UKIP candidate, but then became my agent and is now my employee. I am sure he will carry on. I also thank Sam Pettengall, who I hope to see leaving politics and joining the Royal Navy, certainly as a reserve, and Cheryll Gardiner, whose son Luke will hopefully come to this place as a Derbyshire Member of Parliament.