I am very sorry to have to follow such a speech, and I feel sympathy.

It has been a real privilege for me to be here. Fourteen years have gone like a flash. In my 28 years in the Army, I never thought for a moment that I would come to this place. After all, most of the rank and file in the Army view politicians with deep suspicion. When, a few years after I had left the Army, I told my Army colleagues that I was trying to be a Conservative MP, they accused me of having smoked dope. In truth, for 14 years I have felt that I have still been in metaphorical uniform. All of us are in metaphorical uniform, because every single Member of this place serves their country. They may not wear a uniform but, my goodness, they could easily do so.

I have never sought advancement; I like the Back Benches. I never wanted advancement. I told this to David Cameron when he was Prime Minister, and he said, “You won’t get it either.” I have made my share of mistakes in this place. [Hon. Members: “No!”] I will mention one malapropism. I once intervened on my hon. Friend Mr Robertson and stood up to say, “I would like to thank my hon. Friend,” but what I actually said was, “I would like to spank my hon. Friend”. I then corrected the mistake. Hansard very kindly suggested that they could amend their transcript, but I said, “By no means do that. It’s far too good.” If they remember me for anything, it is for spanking the hon. Member for Tewkesbury.

May I end by thanking colleagues for putting up with me? [Hon. Members: “No!”] I have made some pretty decent friends, considering they are not in the Army. I like the staff. I particularly like the Doorkeepers, many of whom are ex-military. I thank my office staff, particularly Dr Reza Tabrizi and Neil Cropper. I also thank my wife, Claire Podbielski, for putting up with me for 30 years so far. After all, she has given us four children. [Interruption.] I think that should stand, whatever it was—I am sure it was very rude. I would like to thank my wife for bearing four children: Julie, Delphine, Ophélie and Xavier. I have to say that at least two of them are inn the military. Hooray!

Old soldiers are not meant to die. Apparently, they just fade away. Well, to hell with that—I do not want to fade too quickly. Thank you, Mr Deputy Speaker.